Judge not, that ye be not judged. Matthew 7:1

There has never been a more appropriate bible verse to start a rant about Beer Snobs. People who refuse to drink macro brew beers and judge brews by the price tag attached, or weird ingredients within are the most abhorrent individuals on the earth, politicians, and religious zealots aside. I know what you all reading this are thinking, "Father Matt, you're judging people right now." Fucking-A right I am man. Some people should be judged; televangelists, the morbidly obese, prudish chicks with huge tits, middle aged chicks who "want to speak with the manager," closeted homosexual republicans, kid diddlers, and beer snobs. All of the aforementioned vermin deserve our judgement.

"Pero Jefe, bebes buena cerveza." Thanks for pointing that out, spanish speaking readers. You're correct, I do drink good beer and extol it regularly as well. In fact, I'm drinking a lovely Diamond Bear Pale Ale as I write this very sentence. Once in a blue moon though, I liked to duct tape 40 ounce malt liquors to each of my hands and drink until I crawled around on the floor like some unholy cross between an ape and a Komodo dragon. More often than that, however, I like to drink a nice, cold bud, coors, miller, or whatever else happens to be cold, cheap, or free. If you happen to be reading this right now, and thinking "Hey maaaaan, I drink pbr," then you can fuck yourself even harder. I have nothing against PBR, but unfortunately it has become the drink of choice for soft men whose jeans are too tight and facial hair is too well trimmed.

At this point, maybe I should first differentiate between beer enthusiasts and beer snobs. The enthusiast, or connoisseur, has a deep appreciation and love for beer. They are open to new beers, and breweries. True beer lovers understand why one might go to great lengths and pay high prices for a truly wonderful beer. These same people also realize that there is time and place for the inexpensive beers which this great nation consumes so readily. They don't spew hate and vitriol for the beers which do not mesh with them. Snobs, on the other hand, see someone with a Bud Lite at a concert or sporting event and act surprised that someone let them leave their group home unsupervised. The snob will seat themselves in the local brewery, and uncork a steady stream of venom in the direction of anyone unfortunate enough to be within earshot about why people who consume IPAs, stouts, or other such beers are just trying to be popular. Any beer that they do not deem worthy might as well be hydrochloric acid to them, and anytime I have entertained such people, I wish it were just that.

I have now been writing this for around three days. At first I was a little disappointed in myself for not writing faster, but I now see this as being a good thing. During the days I have been doing my sparse writing, I have also been able to notice a few things concerning beer drinkers and basic human decency.

During one my days of little to no writing, I stopped by a newer liquor store in a formerly dry county. I had heard about their good selections, reasonable prices, and growler station, so I decided to check it out. I decided on a very nice white stout from Rebel Kettle Brewing. As I'm waiting for the clerk to fill my growler I struck up conversation. I should have known from his God forsaken urban outfitters clothing that this was a mistake. No one who dresses in clothing made for the world's smallest lumberjack, despite being a grown ass man, has anything good to say.

I spoke about the great and growing beer scene in Arkansas and being happy that my home state had been so supportive. Many think of Arkansas as being a backwoods, hillbilly state with little value, and in some cases they are correct. What people aren't aware of though, is that beer snobs are a metastatic cancer which has spread aggressively to anywhere breweries flourish, including Arkansas. One of the breweries which helped the Arkansas beer scene greatly is Diamond Beer Brewery. Bringing up this brewery brought out the truly nasty nature of this poor, misguided soul.

He spoke of their use of volunteer bottle packagers as if they were ten year old Bangladeshi children making $1.00 per week. Now, they do take volunteers to help package their beers, but they give them a case of beer, and a voucher for the Diamond Bear restaurant as well. Diamond Bear is a beer made by the common man, for the common man.The creator was a damn mechanic, a true, red-blooded American. It is a beer made for me. They try to keep the beer accessible to those who may not want to spend $10.00 to $12.00 for a six pack of beer, and their use of volunteers helps them do this. This was just the tip of the dick for the Brawny paper towel man cosplayer filling my growler.

He also lamented about how their beer had "fallen behind" other local brewers in the area. You see, this is the type of beer drinker who must have flowers plucked from a Tibetan mountain side, 53 separate kinds of hops, and berries plucked from fresh deer shit brewed in their beer. In other words, the more exotic the beer, the better. It is not enough for a brewery to create a good, solid beer and stick to it. They must have something new every three days, otherwise they are failing as brewers. Diamond Bear has won multiple awards for their beers, and have something for transitioning Natty Lite enthusiasts, and hop heads alike. These foul beer snobs cannot be happy with this though. While this may not seem like much of a problem to reasonable people, if you dig a little deeper you will see why this should be bothersome, and why these people should be executed via necklacing.

These scum are causing a beautiful beer scene to be looked down upon by those who may otherwise pick up a better brew once in awhile. You see, no one wants to associated with cunts so as not to be seen as a cunt themselves. It is apart of the human condition. In order for people to see the value in consuming a better product, they must be introduced to it by people cut from the same cloth. You must not look down on those who exclusively drink "lesser" beer, mostly because if you think this way, your physical stature doesn't allow this anyway.

As a final note, something else I have come to realize is that most of the people I have been helped by the most are those who drink mostly macro brews. In fact, I was given a free Land Rover very recently by one such gentleman. He gave it to me because he knew that I am the kind of person who can fix the vehicle, and he believes I am a half decent person. You see, while I very much enjoy drinking good beer, I cannot maintain my own beard worth a shit. My jeans reasonable priced, and you cannot see the outline of my substantial cock through them. My flannel shirts have been worked in, and are full of my thick mane of chest hair. My fucking boots have a dog tag, EGA, and obvious signs of work. I love good beer, but I also love to chill out with a nice, cold brew on the fishing boat and drink the day away. I am a regular ass guy with a simple message. Drink beer you enjoy, do good things, don't be a judgmental fuck face towards your fellow beer enthusiast, no matter their tastes.