When I woke on that Thursday morning the excitement of the coming day had me giddy with emotion. The reunion with old friends, liquor, beer, rustic camping in a multi-million dollar cabin in Colorado. The goal of this trip was to send off one of the last remaining bachelors of our guild into the realm of marriage; tying the ol knot. Work went fast on this day and I was at the airport waiting to board my all expenses paid plane flight to Denver nothing was unusual about the trip everything was smooth sailing.

The flight was on Southwest and I was the last person to board as I meandered through the aisle I sat by a 600 lb 7ft islander, his hat turned backward, and he was leaning on the wall trying to sleep. He had taken the seat by the emergency exit to allow for leg room, a smart man for his stature I noted. The flight was uneventful and I am more excited by the minute, ready to party in Buena Vista, Colorado. I picked up my Jeep Wrangler from the rental car lot and proceeded to drive straight into the Rockies 8,900 ft above sea level from 30 ft above sea level in a single day. Only two and a half hours till my destination.

Well into my drive up in Rockies I noticed the road signs started to blur, even with my glasses on, I could not make out anything these bastards were telling me. Hell I had awoken at 5:00 am in Florida worked all day, flown to Denver, and then drove for two and a half hours, so I figure must be par for the course.

Finally, I arrived and the sign read Camp Elevation. The cheers of my fellow brethren welcomed me, we drink some whisky and talk about random stuff. T.D. rolls in now it's 3:00am and I have been awake for 24 hours. We all hangout for a bit longer talking about our trips exchanging various tales of woe.

Then Drock shows me the prison a high security federal prison holding the likes of the Boston Bomber. The perfect view from the balcony, and with a good pair of binoculars we could see the guards and prisoners meandering around in the yard. The plan to break into the prison was the most concerning part of the whole trip. Drock had shovels, and equipment; but we will have to wait for his version of events to see if these were used for this purpose.

Then we decide to sleep, hit the rack, then wake up and get the party started. I tried to sleep but when I hit that dark realm of what I once called relaxation a panic overcame my body waking me up gasping for breath, all the while my mind was asking where am I, why can’t I breath, is this the end? Gazing out at the sun rising over the mountain range, a view from the side of a mountain overlooking a valley below. Yea not only did I drive to 8,900 feet the cabin was no telling how high on the side of a mountain. Around 11:00 everyone was milling around in some form of unrecognized haze, not hungover, but something different; surly breakfast will fix this stupor.

Jan's Restaurant was tremendous; there was much debate over the merits of biscuits and gravy in the Midwest it was the general consensus they would suck from the southern gentlemen in attendance. As the orders rounded the massive table of unruly former Razorback Sigma Pi’s I decided to entertain the biscuits and gravy. The plate was large, biscuits were flaky, and a massive amount of sausage gravy was slathered on them. Most importantly though all the food was amazing.

An elderly woman was trying trying to sell paintings milling around the room pandering to all that would listen. The walls were cream colored paneling, with one red accent paneling wall, that a rustic wood stove stood in front of. Then I turned and saw a young man in a Hog Hat, feeling a kindred spirit I yelled Woo Pig in a roaring howl. But the man ignored the hog call. Leading us all to believe the man must have been down on his luck and was given a hog hat at goodwill.

The next stop was the beer store, T.D. went in but came out in a hurry yelling to go before the bastard came after him. No one but T.D. knows what really happened in that store but I never saw T.D. with a wallet that weekend and he took a lot of things out of stores. Guess he will explain this activity in his article of the trips events through his eyes.

The grocery store was the next stop. Seven men wandering around a grocery store wearing hogs on various clothing items and pillaging the store is the nightmare of every store manager. Jesus what was with the hogs is it a throwback to harley davidson is this a group of outlaws? The owner became so concerned they sent a gimp to follow the crew around. However, everyone paid from what I could tell.

Once back at the cabin I decided to lie down and sleep, an impossible task that frustrated me again waking in panic for the next four hours. When the tunnel vision set in and I became very dizzy a quick trip to the local doctor was in order. T.D. had drove me and when I explained the predicament to the local nurse they immediately told me I had mountain sickness and sent me to the Emergency Room. The Doctor told me in the emergency room it was acute altitude sickness with altitude apnea that could become fatal at anytime, and to stay in that town because it was 2,000 ft lower than Buana Vista, and prescribe me a pill. It was also made clear to go the hell home as soon as a could for my personal safety.

T.D. drove me back to the cabin after getting some of the good stuff, I grabbed my stuff, and was drove back to the hotel. DRock followed to get every back to the cabin so I could have my jeep. The snow was starting to come down now, total whiteout conditions the thirty minute drive became an hour. After arriving at the hotel DRock noticed a tornado was bearing down on his relative's house in Arkansas and he nervously started looking into the situation before heading back to the cabin.

That night I slept, but it took a while to fall asleep. Upon awaking I headed down to the complementary breakfast while eating the local sheriff came into the place and explained to the front desk persons that another 8 inches of snow was coming and anyone who did not want to be snowed in must haul ass or possibly be stuck till Monday. Holy Jesus, I thought. I needed to get back to Denver as I have to be on a plane Sunday evening. Feeling better I called everyone warning them of the possibility the mountain passes might be closed and took off to Denver.

By the time I was thirty munities from Denver 4wd was necessary and the snow was again at whiteout conditions. Upon entering Denver I got a room at the Sheraton, got my pill order filled, ate lunch at the hotel having a lamb burger, and queso with ancho bacon; damn good eats. I retired to my room and was overcome with a state of anxiety for no real reason at all.

I watched a boxing match between Anthony Joshua, and Wladimir Klitschko where Wladimir was beaten like a dog ushering in a new era of heavyweight boxing. Hot damn I thought boxing needs a new face someone exciting.

Upon waking in the morning and not being able to stand I knew something else was very wrong, I called my wife, and then preceded to call 911. Dizzy, uncontrollable shaking, disoriented the paramedics threw me on a stretcher, strapped me down started pumping me full of stuff, and putting stickers on me that hooked up to computers all over my body. The thought of them turning me into Darth Vader crossed my mind.

In the emergency again! I thought, this might be the end, but it wasn’t. In the end after copious testing I was told it was major dehydration. My god, I had been drinking 3 twenty four ounce bottles a day, but the pills were a diuretic causing major dehydration. Three bags of fluid latter I was ready to go home. This is when Drock called and advised me to meet him a German restaurant.

Thirty minutes later I was eating my brat and talking to Drock, about the dangers of driving a standard car through 14 inches of snow in the Rocky Mountains, and the copious amounts of stranded cars in ditches. Hell I thought you're lucky the goddamn car didn’t fly off the roadway on the side of a 14er. However, this was a good lunch and there was no need to ruin one of the best moments of the trip with my thoughts of doom.

Colorado is nature in its purest form, a person can legally ingest all plant products from coca leaves to marijuana. The air is thin and can kill the unsuspecting visitor without warning or disregard. It’s a place where the little things are taken into account such as oxygen, and quality tap water. If I was on the run from various organizations, and peoples as Hunter S. Thompson claimed to be living in a location that half your enamines will be done in by the atmosphere because of it's sheer height and elevation is a good idea. A strategy to be commended over looked by various scholars and generals throughout history. Fat City! Will you get enough oxygen?

The pneumonia didn't set in until I returned to florida. Apparently common after altitude sickness due to the slight buildup of fluid on the lungs when at above 7,000 feet. The temperatures of 104 degrees leaves one bedridden, and totally disoriented. The cough hurts in the chest like a stake is being drove through the lungs and the shortness of breath is presenstant. During this time I am in no condition for the politics of today, just thinking of who the President of the United States is can cause another days bedrest. Then it happens the fever disappears, my mind clears, the cough subsides, and I can walk throughout the house without the feeling of uncertainty.

I turn on the T.V. and what the fuck has this president done?

To be continued...

P.S. This is why I haven't written in two weeks; sorry this wasn't the crazed drug fuelled article it could have been, but I was literally just too damn high.

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Editors Note: This photo is a Creative Commons licensed photo from Wikimedia Commons.