Why do Americans, especially Southerners, loathe soccer so much? Is it because of the flops? The low scores? Tie games? If so, all of the above also occurs in the great sport that we call football. Come autumn, you’ll hear a lot of those same soccer hating folks proclaim that “defense wins championships” and that the Southeastern Conference must be superior to all other conferences, as evidenced by its defensive dominance.

I am not saying soccer is my favorite sport, but it ain’t all that bad. Like other sporting events, it is a great excuse for misfits to congregate and drink. Since when do guys complain about a reason to drink? You are happy to watch a three-hour baseball game that ends with a final tally of 1-0, but chastise anyone who watches a soccer match ending in the same score. “It’s just not American”, you say. What the hell does that mean anyway? You must be talking about Trump’s America. If that is the case, I am more than happy to distance myself from it.

I am quite certain your enthusiasm for soccer would be far greater if the United States men’s team was any good at soccer. The fact is, they suck. There best World Cup finish was 3rd place back in 1930. There second-best finish was a trip to the quarter-finals in 2002. And not that you care, but the women’s team is actually really good. They have won more World Cups (3) than any other country. A woman being better than a man at something? I bet that really drives you up the wall.

Ok, I know there are a few soccer fans in America. And for that, I commend you. I live down the street from the biggest soccer pub in Denver. Every now and then, I make an early morning trip over for camaraderie, soccer, English breakfast, beer, and coffee. For those that are unaware, an English breakfast typically consists of bacon, sausage, egg, mushrooms, baked beans, and toast. I haven’t quite figured out the baked beans part of it, but I am not one to complain about baked beans, regardless of the time of day. This morning I decided to order a Guinness and coffee. I have heard that Guinness and a shot of espresso is something special but had to settle for a simple black coffee this morning. And let me tell you, the mixture of the two was damn good. I spent the morning socializing, watching soccer, eating bacon, and drinking beer and coffee. I guess I’m just not American.

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Editors Note: This Guinness photo is a Creative Commons licensed photo from Max Pixel.